There is the woman who is grateful for all the good things in her life; like love, her grandchildren, her kids, (when they are happy and healthy) having a place to call home, and being able to express herself creatively through writing and song.
Then, there is the other one. She says very little, just a ghost really, leaving her faint footprints in the form of sad, poetic words that flow from her broken heart like a river of tears. She is desperate, grasping, searching for memories and still shots of those she's lost...collecting pictures in her mind to dampen the pain. She doesn't understand this weight that crushes down upon her, she hates Spring and what it represents, and she's lonely. So lonely.
I love so many things about my present life, but even my joy and happiness is tempered...muted and dulled...by that ever present sadness that permeates everything I do or say. I have been living with this pain for so long that it has become a part of me. And that is...Ok. This is...MY normal.
I try not to talk about it, the sadness, as I continue to age and sage. I am fortunate to have a partner that understands my sadness, he is kind to the Ghost Girl and she responds favorably to that kindness. I have pulled my inner circle tighter than ever, preferring to spend more time at home with my soulmate and my pets, tending to my garden, having picnics and tea parties with my granddaughters and keeping the trees company with morning coffee and poetry. I don't go out socially, not really, unless our band is playing out somewhere. That's basically my social life now, otherwise I am a homebody and I like it. I'm not the social creature I once was, and sometimes, I even wonder if I ever truly was that social butterfly. Could it just have been my unhappiness at home and the mass consumption of alcohol making it seem that way? It's plausible...
Spring is here, and with it comes the promise of new life, new beginnings and new opportunities. But it also brings with it the sadness, my sadness, and I am forced to set a place at the table for its melancholy presence. Soon the snow will be just a memory, the mud will dry, the grass will become soft and green and the trees will once again wear their beautiful green foliage. The raspberries will ripen, the lightening bugs and bees will come back to our fields and the sun will warm our skin and energize the Earth. And soon as well, the sadness will begin to dissipate like early morning mist as the sun rises over scattered wetlands, rolling fields and quiet forests.
I will continue to push through this veil of sorrow until summer finally makes her appearance, and I encourage all those suffering from sadness and depression to do the same. Sometimes it takes everything you have to continue onward, but even the smallest of steps creates forward momentum, and that can bring you closer to the warmth and the promise of a better future.
Till next time, it is my wish for you to walk your path in health, beauty, and above all else, balance...the balance between sorrow and something sweeter!